Yamini

A person who laughs a lot is not always happy!

Diwali, the festival of lights, symbolizes the victory of light over darkness. People believe that it brings with it an auspicious omen and fills their lives with happiness and light. But Yamini’s life is quite different from usual expectations.

It was another hectic day, school and studies had become more rigorous and tough by then. She had finally closed her books and decided to go to bed. Her Dai ma had made the bed and unfolded the blanket already when she decided to check her phone one last time for the day.

A notification: call recording 20 minutes.

It was not her call recording evidently but someone else’s whom she always wanted to love the most but could not. She tried but never got a reason to love them. She never wanted to listen to them but then she could not even stay without listening to them. This time too she heaved as she leaned to get her earphones. With great resistance, she ultimately put the earphones in her ear and tapped on the play button on her phone.

Lights were off, the door was shut and hence no light could peep into the room but her eyes glimmered. Her eyes gleamed as they could not hold the pain anymore. In no time it was rolling down her cheeks in the form of teardrops. She held her legs with her arms close to her chest and grabbed her head as this time she had lost all her strength. Moans escaped her lips as she suppressed the sound of hiccups.

Dai ma scared entered the room and was taken aback when she saw the recording still playing on the phone. She immediately cuddled her and asked.

“Why did you listen to it? It is a waste of time.”
“I…I could not stop myself.”
“Dear, it is like this only, accept it. It is your destiny.”
“But, why me? I have always tried to make them happy but I fail every time. No matter how hard I try I can never please them, Amma.” Yamini’s eyes were bleeding with pain.
“Shh..darling please be quiet, sleep now you have to go to school tomorrow.”

Her eyes wide open staring at the ceiling the whole night tried to find answers to her questions. After a short nap, her eyes opened as the alarm rang. She got ready and looked into the mirror and her eyes had become puffy, red, and dry. She did not want to go to school with her swollen eyes but could not take leave either.

“Tell them you could not sleep at night. You were doing your preparations for Diwali. Okay? Anyway, they know how much excited you become during festivals.” Dai ma said as she handed her the lunch box.

Yamini nodded and left.

Diwali could not bring happiness and light to her life.

A year and six months later very few had changed. She was still the lively and cheerful extrovert who was always seen smiling with her teeth wide open. She shared the same equation with her Dai ma and her secrets were always safe with her.

It was a shiny Spring afternoon when her friends had planned to sit together in the lawn and have some fun moment. She was also invited. Sonam shouted from her back, “Yamini, come fast, we are waiting for you.”
“Just one call, Sonam. I have to take it, you know right.” Yamini said showing her phone which displayed ‘Dai Ma calling’.
“Huh..fine, come ASAP. Find us in the lawn.” Her voice vanished as they headed towards the garden.

“Did they agree?” Yamini asked desperately.
“No, we will have to go.” Dai ma spoke faintly.
“Dai ma…”
“I tried to convince them but they are not ready.”
“Dai ma, you know it can be so dangerous for all of us. You know that right?”
“I am sorry, dear.”

She mumbled and choked her sobs as she turned around to the sound of Sonam. The sound of wailing and suffering echoed through her eyes but she had learnt by then the art of drowning pain deep in her heart. She stood there still. Aarohi came, “We all are waiting for your crap,” and took Yamini to the lawn. All her friends enjoying the sunlight and cracking jokes were waiting were for her. She smiled and joined the laughter. No one ever knew the pain she buried in her heart. Because they did not know

A person who laughs a lot is not always happy!

PS: I do not know if you could relate with Yamini or not but always remember happiness comes from inside. It is an attitude and not an event that is occasional.