Drug and Depression
My opinion of SSR suicide case
Disclaimer: Do not form any opinion without reading the full story. You might disagree and I respect that but this blog is not open for any discussion.
When I got to know that the legendary and versatile actor Sushant Singh Rajput is no more, and the reason behind is suicide I was taken aback because I could not understand why someone would commit suicide. I believed that whatever circumstances you go through is just a part of life and you should accept that the way it is, we can complain, we can get frustrated, we can get upset, after all this is what life is about. Life is full of emotions. And I would consider people who committed suicide to be dumb and weak that they could not struggle and face life. However, I was wrong and this realisation dawned over me when I myself experienced it.
About a week ago I was feeling tired and I had in my mind that my periods are going to show up in the coming days. However, at night I talked to one of my friends on nothing serious. But they talking about themselves and me talking about mine. After all we humans love to talk about ourselves. But back to the topic, after talking when I went to bed, my mind was full of unnecessary topics, I was constantly obsessing over what I said what the other person said. I tried to bring out the sense of everything in this world. The next two days were too harsh over me, I cannot even explain it. Or without going in much detail- my friend’s grief became my grief, my neighbour’s grief became my grief, the movie character’s grief became my grief and whose not. I started blaming myself for everything wrong happened to me. I started hating myself and the people around me. I was in extreme emotional surge. I kept on reaping negative thoughts in my mind. Initially, I thought it was due to academic pressure and I should talk to my friends and seek some advice on how they manage themselves when they face this. One of my friends (person A) listened to me and told “Kesar, stop obsessing over one thing and focus on your academics, we have a quiz this Thursday.” Another friend (person B) said “Kesar, stop self sabotaging and say good to yourself, when you say good you try to do good.” But all this was in vain. I thought that friends too can not listen to you. So, finally I talked to my mom about all I was going through, she too could not figure out the exact reason. But after all this I started hating everyone around me, all my friends, everyone. I started saying absurd to my friends. I did not even want to dance (my love). After the quiz I talked to A, they asked if it is my “that time of the month” and I answered “yes”. They said, “Then stop blaming yourself for everything, sometimes situation controls you. It is okay.” Though they were right but it was really hard to accept because it was not the first time I was experiencing my periods, and I had never been this much hormonal.
When my periods finally ended, I was back on track, I started loving people around me, the way I was a week before and tried to think why I felt so. While doing one of my assignments my eyes fell over a medicine which I was taking for the last ten days for the treatment of acne.
“Drug Caution. Warning for female patients: This medicine may cause severe birth defects. You must not take this medicine if you are pregnant or may likely become pregnant during treatment….”
This hit me hard.
I suddenly realised that if it is something related to pregnancy then it may be related to your menstrual cycle and it is a drug. I called my doctor leaving all my assignments aside and talked to them. They told, “Don’t take it if you are facing depression.” I was highly dejected because being a doctor they should have told me the potential side effects.
Now, imagine if such a small quantity of drug that too made for medicinal purposes can have this much effect on you while your body is itself hormonal then what would happen if you actually consume drugs? Then I realised that SSR must have been stressed with his life due to some outside factors and might have sought relief after taking a small amount of drug. But then this might have become his addiction. He might have started overthinking, self sabotaging and then could not realise what he was doing. Although, he could not realise what he did, we perceived it as suicide. What I believe about Rhea Chakraborty: She might loved SSR deeply, but when he would demand drugs, she could not deny but satiated his needs. She might not have thought of the potential repercussions. The only mistake she did was she did not report his parents.
We believe that parents do not understand us and they will scold us. But dear reader, no matter what you cannot deny the fact that your parents have invested in you their precious time more than anyone else and that too without any expectations from you. Their only wish is your happiness then cannot we being their investments take care of ourselves? Your parents will understand you. And if someone around you is behaving weirdly that is really uncommon, and if you are not able to handle that person, don’t fulfil their unreasonable demands in the thought that you care for them, report to their parents if you really care for them.
Physical problems are visible but mental problems are not. We can be unwell due to any of the reasons but not talking about it can have serious repercussions. Talk to anyone and if someone talks to you try to listen to them. For all those who menstruate, do keep a track of your periods. All things kept aside you are the most important person in your life!
